I know I have mental limits. I'm not talking about academics but athletics. It used to be that I was afraid of the pain so I wouldn't push myself as hard. Now it's something different. Some part of me doesn't want to be great. Some part of me doesn't want to be the best at what I attempt. I think I've lost the competitive spirit. I don't have a burning desire to push myself to my limits. I feel like I'm living a life of quiet desperation. I'm asking myself why I don't care and what I can do about it. Some part of me has given up. How can I get that part back again?

I know I can beat Morgan if I really drive myself hard. But I don't and afterward I feel disappointed. I know I could have done better. How do I defeat the temptation to quit in my heart and mind when it arrives? No matter what happens I have to beat it. It's vital to everything in the rest of my life, for the rest of my life.

(No more settling for second. No more taking to easy route. No more giving up half way. No more half done tasks.)

No more selfishness and self pity.

It's time to dream again.

Where is my passion?

(I can have joy in the midst of struggle)

I will be joyful in the midst of my struggle.

I am disciplined.

I will no longer quench my spirit.

Just a quick check in. I'm about 7 months away from getting out of the military. Still going to try and audition for Cirque Du Soleil when I get out. Work is piling up. I've started writing three pages every morning but I have yet to reach the third page. Having trouble getting up in the morning. Not that I'm tired (but I always kind of am). I've recently been shedding old habits and now I'm on a mission to replace them with good ones. One bad habit being an automatic self-pity reaction to ALMOST ANYTHING negative that happens to me, even the possibility of something negative. I'm really on God for this one as well as the others and it's working out, slowly but surely.

Going to continue the War journals. I think it's important to write down my thoughts before events are too far gone. One thing though, people are constantly amazed and disbelieving when I tell them that I had a great time over in Iraq. Is it really that hard to believe? I don't think my kind of story has been told yet. I'll get right on that.

not much on the small business side. Life is busy and I'm going to have to practice carving out time to devote to growing my team. It's simple, but hard.

I dont know how the counter protest is going to turn out but I have to go. What's the next step? I can't just keep going to protests. It isn't enough. How do I effect people?

Lord, help me to finish my time in the Army well.

Jenn came by Memorial Day weekend. It was so wild having someone from before my time in the Army come into my life now. She reminded me of my future destination. We went to a wedding where I met some great people. Most of them live in L.A. so I'll look them up when I get there.

F.E.A.R. 2 blew me away. Really engrossing, scary and never boring. I finished it the other day and it left me wanting more. I love a good story and I think that's the main motive for purchasing a new video game. I still have discipline problems. Time is important and video games are not a priority.

I should start my dream journal again. I always love remembering my dreams.

Reama's Birthday is this weekend and there's a CrossFit the movie showing on Sunday. But before that, D & D with the guys (and one girl). Best...DM..ever.