First post in California

I've arrived.


I'm back home in Southern California. Well, my first home, that is. I'd come to accept Washington as my home by the time I left. It didn't occur to me until it was almost time to go. I had a lot up there, many friends, a good job, a great church community. I grew a lot while I was there.

And I'm coming back to a place where my personal history didn't include much growth.
When I left here almost 5 years ago I was very self-centered. I was immature. I worshipped comfort. But over the years I've learned I'm usually too hard on myself so maybe I wasn't all that bad. But I can honestly say I've come a long way since 2005.

I'm back where I started back then, at my Uncle Mark's house. I remember the day my Aunt Eileen took me down to the recruiters office to leave for basic training. It's a strange feeling being back here with my active duty time completed. It's like going through a time warp.

I'll tell you about my homecoming. I drove into town this weekend and went with my dad to a homecoming party at my Aunt Margie's place. It was an overwhelming experience. A good portion of my family was there. They all clapped when I came into the room. I've had vain fantasies about being a famous actor and having people applaud for me. It didn't feel like I imagined even though the circumstances where completely different. I can see how people become prideful and have a sense of entitlement to the adoration of others. I think it's from my time in the army that now I have a sense of humility whenever some one praises what I've done. I'm thankful but I don't want to let it go to my head. I used to put myself down but now I just want a balanced view of my own actions. It doesn't do any good to think that you are better than anyone else. Most of the time those feelings come out of insecurity anyway. One of the lessons I learned (and continue to learn) is that my worth isn't determined by my accomplishments or failures, it's determined by my relationship with Jesus Christ. And since I know that He loved my before I ever even knew him, it changes how I see myself, since he chose me before I ever existed.

I'll leave for Japan on Wednesday night. I still can't believe it's real. I'm not even excited yet because I can't comprehend what it's going to be like. I've never been this far away from home by myself before. I like the idea of being on my own in a far of place. I want to learn while I'm there. and I want to have a fun time!

I know that California is where I'm mean't to be. I know there are going to be challenges here that will test me in ways that even the Army couldn't. But I'm not afraid to meet them. I'll say it here that it's a goal of mine to buy a house by the end of 2010. I'm not going to kick myself if I don't. I'm just saying it'd be nice.